Monthly Archives: February 2013

S1E20: Diane’s Ugliest Outfit Still a Winner

The beauty of interpretation is that even Diane Chambers’ ugliest outfit can be salvaged. Jump forward 30 years and a patterned blouse, green skirt, red necklace, and red purse can come together to make a nice version of something that was probably considered chic in its own time but now appears dowdy and outdated.


1. Club Monaco Sophie Shirt. 2. Free People Vintage 1980s Beaded Lariat Necklace. 3. T by Alexander Wang Knitted Mini Skirt. 4. Peter Jensen Knotted Belt. 5. Rebecca Minkoff Flirty Bag in Lipstick.

*In this episode, Diane’s mother comes to the bar to announce that, according to her dead husband’s will, if Diane doesn’t marry someone by a certain impending date, she will lose her inheritance. Carla takes the opportunity to out Diane’s crush on Sam:

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

S1E18: Carla in Pink

As I said in the last Carla’s Nikes post, when Carla wears pink she manages to suck out all of the color’s girliness. Here’s a closer look at one of the pink Nikes outfits, and a few modern choices to get the look yourself.


Clockwise from top left: 1. American Apparel Unisex Plaid Short Sleeve Button-Down with Pocket. 2. Levis Made & Crafted Empire Skinny Jeans available at Mill Mercantile. 3. Hansel from Basel Silk Rib Crew Socks in Red. 4. House of Holland Superga Polka Dot Trainers.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sam’s Women: The Distraction

Season 1, Episode 21: Diane is being wined and dined by Sam’s impressive brother, Derek. After Sam mopes around, unwilling to reveal that he’s jealous, Carla gets fed up.

Carla: You know something, Sam? I used to admire you. But you know what’s happened to you ever since she got here? You’ve turned into a big weenie! You’re a dink, a wimp, a fred, a loser!

So, in the beginning of Episode 22, Sam returns from a night on the town with this stunner (to whom he says “I’m sorry I shrieked the wrong name.”). Carla is relieved that Sam has gotten back on the horse, so to speak.

Carla: Sam I’m proud of you. You took my little wimp speech to heart. It’s great to see you back in action again!
Sam: Yea, I wanna thank you for that. Took my mind of my brother and your skinny co-worker. I don’t care where they are anymore…where are they?
Carla: Well Bobby and Suzy saw them at the drive-in sharing a cherry coke and fries (rolling her eyes).


It’s a little hard to see, but the gorgeous distraction is wearing an incredible fringed sweater. Luckily, some fine brands are making uncannily similar ones today. And if you don’t want the whole sweater fringed, slap this fringe collar over any old sweater to spruce it up.


1. BB Dakota Zowie Sweater. 2. Staring at Stars Fringe Sweater. 3. Isabel Marant Fringe Sweater. 4. Scotch & Soda Bohemian Tape Yarn Sweater with Fringing. 5. Daydream Nation Fringe String Color Triangle Collar. 6. Rebecca Taylor Fringe Mesh Pullover. 7. Isabel Marant Yoan Sweater. 8. Pixie Mart Diamond Fringe Sweater. 9. ASOS Fringed Sweater.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

S1E19: Carla, Hawaiian Prints

One of my all-time favorites (again). Having grown up on Kauai, I am biased towards anything in Hawaiian print, the kitchier the better. So this look is right up my alley.


(In the bottom picture, Carla is hanging out at the bar watching Diane reading a bartending manual and laboriously attempting to make a Bloody Mary from scratch. Sam asks Carla why she’s torturing Diane, pointing out to the poor old sap that they have Bloody Mary mix in the refrigerator. Carla replies, “I wanted to see her try to make vodka.”)

An assortment of modern Hawaiian prints:


1. Maarten Van Der Horst for Lulu & Co Ruffle Back Mini Skirt. 2. Maarten Van Der Horst for Lulu & Co Ruffle Back Shirt. 3. Equipment Leandra Hawaiian Stripe Silk Shirt. 4. Ganni Shirt in Palm Print. 5. Preview: Vans “Aloha Camo” Authentic and Chukka Boot for Spring/Summer 2013. 6. Full Tilt Ambrosia Sunglasses. 7. Ganni Pants in Palm Print. 8. Therapy Tropical Bralet. 9. Karen Walker Hawaiian Cuff Shorts. 10. ASOS Hawaiian High Waisted Denim Knicker Shorts. 11. Warehouse Hula Floral Tie Front Shirt.

And, in honor of Carla’s visor (yes, she can even make visors look good!), some Hawaiian-print hats (you’ll need to use eBay for these):


Clockwise from bottom left: 1. Huf Hawaiian Print 5 Panel Camp Cap from Summer 2012. 2. Karen Walker floral hat look from Spring 2012 runway. 3. Supreme Floral Suede Camp Cap from Spring/Sumer 2012. 4. Norse Projects Hektor Hawaii Cap from Winter 2011. 5. Brixton Henshaw Luau Hat (available at Oakland Surf Club).

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Carla’s Nikes #2: Pink

We’ve seen Carla’s white Nikes (and the list of eBay keywords for finding the vintage Nikes Carla may have actually worn). This is installation #2 of the Carla’s Nikes series. And I’ve seen every episode ever made, so I can tell you now, that there are going to be plenty of these, spanning over ten years of Nike production.

When Carla does pink, it’s not in the silky pastel-y lacy frilly girly way that Diane prefers. Nah, when Carla does pink, it’s pink Nikes.


Nike still makes a pink Oceania and a pink Cortez, two of the shoes that Carla possibly wore. Don’t blame me, 80s shows on Netflix are pretty pixellated. But a bunch of other companies are making pink kicks today too.


1. Nike Oceania Bright Pink Sneakers. 2. Nike Cortez Pink Sneakers. 3. Topshop Tuscany Floral Sneaker. 4. Superga Floral Print Canvas Trainers. 5. Maison Martin Margiela Line 22 Replica Sneaker. 6. Gola Sneakers in Neon Pink. 7. Veja Taua Peach Leather Sneakers. 8. Keds Low Top Trainer.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

S1: Rugby Shirts

Like polo shirts, I thought rugby shirts had no place in my life. I’m the least athletic person I know. Asthma (Judaism) pretty much took care of that. But Sam Malone makes them look not half bad. And, like Carla and her Nike sneakers, Sam is a devoted Nike rugby shirt fan.


As it turns out, there are more than a few palatable options of rugby shirts being made today:


1. Lauren Moffatt Louisa Stripe Sweater. 2. Equipment Rugby Stripe Silk Top. 3. Forever 21 Rugby Striped Raglan Sweater. 4. Joie Jalene Rugby Stripe Sweater. 5. Comme Des Garcons Contrast Sweater. 6. Thakoon Addition Mohair Sweater. 7. Lacoste L!ve Long Sleeve Rugby Stripe Polo. 8. Lacoste L!ve Long Sleeve Cropped Stripe Woven Shirt in Cake Flour White. 9. Lacoste L!ve Long Sleeve Rugby Stripe Polo in Brackish Green.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sam’s Women: Mrs. Robinson

In Season 1, Episode 13, Sam is seduced by a confident and pushy talent agent more than several years his senior.


It isn’t easy to make a bobble knit sweater or a skirt suit look seductive, but the cougar manages just fine. So impressive are her skills, that Carla goes to her for advice:

Carla: Tell me something, Red. Are professional athletes better between the old Wamsuttas (a brand of sheets, I found out after a solid 10 minutes of Google research) than ordinary men?
Cougar: I’ve had no experience with ordinary men.
Carla: Oh me neither, but I’m trying to work my way up to one.
Cougar: Believe me, athletes take their pants off one leg at a time just like anybody else.
Carla: They take off their pants?! Whoa!


Sweaters:  1. Blue Chunky Crop Sweater.  2. Carven Bobble Knit SweaterSuit (Mango is super affordable!): 1. Mango Asymmetric Hem Blazer.  2. Mango Pleated Sheer Shirt.  3. Mango Peplum Skirt.

Here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson!



Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

S1E14: Carla’s “Diane” Sweater

A few of the outfits seen in the white Nikes post are worth revisiting. For example:


Sure, it’s a simple sweater-and-jeans outfit. But The best part of the modern outfit is that Rag & Bone make a “Diane Sweater.” I would have loved to see Carla’s reaction to that. Barely an episode goes by without Carla expressing her feelings of disgust towards Diane.

Carla: Ya know I am sick of hearing about her! Ever since Lady Dye-Job arrived she gets all the attention. Nobody cares about me anymore.
Cliff: Carla, c’mon now, be fair. We weren’t that interested in your life before she got here.
 -from S1E13


1. Madewell Skinny Ankle Jeans in Black Frost Wash. 2. Madewell Skinny High Riser Jeans in Black Frost Wash. 3. Rag & Bone “Diane” Sweater. 4. Iris & Ink Seamed Cashmere Sweater.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

S1E13: Sam Malone, Feminized

In Season 1, Episode 13, it isn’t Carla or Diane who has the best outfit. It’s Sam.


Wide-leg denim trousers, pink plaid shirt, boat shoes, and a bomber jacket. Sometimes you gotta borrow from the boys. Sam Malone, feminized:


1. J. Crew Boy Shirt in Mint Strawberry Plaid. 2. Bed Stu Aunt Blanche Boat Shoes. 3. Henry & Belle Sailor Jean. 4. ASOS Leather Bomber Jacket.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Carla Retort-elli

The best part of Cheers is Carla and Diane shooting disparaging one-liners at each other. Or, rather, Diane saying something innocent and Carla shooting back an inappropriate retort.

Diane: Last night I was up until two in the morning finishing off Kierkegaard.
Carla: I hope he thanked you for it.
-from S1E19

The other best part is watching Carla laugh at Diane’s many small misfortunes.


Achieve Carla’s three looks here:


1. Lauren Jeans Co. Plaid Shirt. 2. Oasis Swan Print Ruffle Blouse. 3. Zara Striped Crossover Blouse.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

S1E13: Diane, Oversized Red Coat

All bundled up and covered in layers of wool, winter (or summer, if you’re in San Francisco like I am) can feel like a boring season for your wardrobe. Unless you have some statement outerwear pieces like Diane’s oversized red coat:


Of course, at the time, it probably wasn’t considered oversized.


1. Rachel Comey Shasta Coat. 2. Carven Summer 2013 Preview. 3. Jil Sander Fire Red Oversized Wool Coat. 4. Joseph Man Wool and Cashmere-Blend Coat. 5. Marni Double Face Coat.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sam’s Women: The Blonde Bombshell

If you recall from the first Sam’s Women post about Season 1, Episode 2, Diane believes that Sam only dates big-breasted airheads. This is the blonde bombshell (in a cashmere sweater dress) that leads her to that conclusion:


Sam: Do you think there’s a chance you and I could go somewhere and laugh together?
Brandee (“with two e’s,” she said): My mother told me to watch out for guys in bars.
Sam: Well then let’s get out of this bar so you don’t have to work.

(Apparently that was a good line in 1982.)

What my mother always told me, wherever I was headed, and especially if I was wearing a dress, was to “bring a sweater.” Thus, the sweater dress:


1. MM6 by Maison Martin Margiela Jumper Dress. 2. Lanvin Wool-Cashmere Sweater Dress. 3. Labour Of Love Multicolour Wool Sweater Dress. 4. Designers Remix Sweater Dress. 5. Sonia by Sonia Rykiel Sweater Dress.

Here’s to mom’s advice!



Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In Honor of Valentine’s Day Part II: Maternity Wear, Carla-Style

Happy Valentine’s Day, all! Did you know that on average, 11,000 babies are conceived each year on Valentine’s Day? (That’s in part because of silly things like the lingerie featured in the last post). In honor of that, let’s take a look at Carla’s many maternity outfits.

When Cheers begins, Carla Tortelli has four children. By the end of the series, she has eight. The first pregnancy occurs in Season 1, when Carla is knocked up by her smarmy ex-husband Nick.


Diane: Carla, I don’t think you should be engaging in strenuous activities when you are with child.
Carla: If I didn’t do things with child, I’d never leave the house. The only thing I ever did without child resulted in one.

-from S3E14

Of course I love Carla’s maternity wear, but for those who want to look less like a pregnant lady in a dive bar, Mama NYC, Hatch, and Asos make some beautiful pieces:


1. ASOS Maternity Midi Body Conscious Dress in Floral. 2. Hatch Night Out Leggings. 3. Hatch Cape. 4. ASOS Maternity Swing Dress in Floral. 5. Mama NYC Laura Shirt. 6. Mama NYC Kathryn Dress. 7. Mama NYC Maggie Vest. 8. Hatch Sweatshirt Dress. 9. ASOS Maternity Blouse with Peter Pan Collar and Balloon Sleeve. 10. Hatch Boyfriend Sweater.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

In Honor of Valentine’s Day Part I: Lingerie


You already know how I feel about kitten heels. And Diane might like them, but pink and lace aren’t really my thing. Like Carla, I’m not the most feminine of women. For example, it was only from looking for modern alternatives to Diane’s pink nightie that I actually learned the difference between (and in some cases, the name of) a teddy, a chemise, a nightie, a camisole, and a slip.

I’m not one who can understand spending $600 on a plane ticket, let alone a nightie, but for those of you who can, here are some that don’t make me feel like I’m at a My Pretty Pony orgy.


1. Rosamosario Silk-Georgette Chemise. 2. Zinke Andi Jumper. 3. Jenny Packham Open Front Babydoll. 4. Araks Ryan Short Slip. 5. byLangley Brulee Vamp Teddy.

Here’s to Saint Valentine, of whom “nothing is reliably known except his name and the fact that he died on February 14,” according to Wikipedia. (Seems like we did a bit of unfounded postulating in creating this sappy holiday in his name, now, doesn’t it?)



Tagged , , ,

Sam’s Women: The Nerd

In Season 1, Episode 6, Diane’s nerdy friend from college, Rebecca, comes to town “vulnerable and looking for a man to give her an afternoon of unbridled passion.” Even with her granny glasses and goody-goody blouse, Sam doesn’t discriminate.


Get the look with vintage frames and neck-bow button-ups.


1. Cazal Vintage Glasses at Farfetch. 2. Oasis Pussy Bow Check Shirt. 3. River Island Dolly Shirt at Asos.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Carla’s Nikes #1: White

Carla Tortelli always wears Nikes. First up to bat, white.


Disclaimer: I am neither a sneaker collector nor a Nike expert. While I will admit that I bought a pair of Nike dunks once in college “because all the cool kids were doing it,” I will also admit that every time I wore them I felt like the fraud I was.

Circa 2006 (dont judge):


Now that I have proven my utter lack of good Nike judgment, you can rest assured that the following research on Carla’s Nikes comes from a few more habitual sneaker wearers who have kindly lent their expert opinion.

If you are looking for a modern alternative, scroll down. If you would like to get your hands on a pair of Nikes just like Carla’s, your best bet will be Ebay, Etsy, and other sneaker nerd sites that I know nothing about. Remember, these could be from any year before 1982. Here are a few keywords you can search to find styles similar to Carla’s:

Nike Oceania
Nike Cortez
Nike Waffle Trainer or Racer (sometimes mistaken for the Cortez)
Nike Electra
Nike Diablo
Nike Montreal Racers
Nike Rio
Nike Mieka
Nike Long Jump II

And finally, some new white sneakers:

white sneakersClockwise from top left: 1. Keds x Madewell Diamond Duo Sneakers. 2. Prada Captoe Lace-up Platform Sneaker. 3. Victoria Inglesa Elastico. 4. Lacoste Ramer White Sneakers. 5. Comme Des Garcons Play Cream Low-top Canvas Sneakers. 6. Superga Crochet Sneakers.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Diane Chambers De-Girlified

As you can see from the last few posts about Diane (Valentine’s Day, Pilgrim Shirts, and Sweaters), her wardrobe is often an explosion of ineffectual femininity: pastel pinks and purples (the weakest colors on the wheel), kitten heels (the most useless type of heel there is), sweater vests (I honestly don’t remember the last time I saw a woman wearing a sweater vest), and pussy bow blouses (the name is so vile I can’t even bring myself to say it out loud). She might as well be wearing hearts and rainbows and unicorns and actual vaginas on her person. I don’t even want to find modern alternatives.


However, when Diane deviates from the safety of her cable knits, as with her oft-repeated go-to of silk shirts paired with vests, it is easy to imagine a less girly version. A touch of masculinity could go a long way for Diane. (Then again, a touch of femininity could do wonders for dear old Carla.) Diane Chambers, de-girlified:


1. L’agence Silk Blouse. 2. Anke Blouse. 3. Ganni Black Waistcoat. 4. Madewell Billie Boot. 5. Jeffrey Campbell Fontane. 6. Nasty Gal Runaway Stud Vest.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

In Honor of the Grammys

In honor of tonight’s 55th annual Grammy Awards, I nominate Gary Portnoy’s “Where Everybody Knows Your Name” as the best tv show theme song in history.

From Cheers’ opening credits:

And from NBC 75th Anniversary party in 2002 (20 years after Cheers’ premiere!), here’s Martin Short, Will Ferrell, and Eric McCormack singing the theme song, with the whole Cheers gang in the audience! (Oh, I just want to hug Rhea Perlman!)

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Sam’s Women: The Ex-Wife

This is the first installation of what I have named the “Sam’s Women” series. Coincidentally, when I went back to find out which episode his ex-wife appeared in, it turns out Season 1, Episode 2 was actually called “Sam’s Women.” True story.

If you don’t know, Sam “Mayday” Malone is the owner of the Cheers bar and an ex-Red Sox relief pitcher. But those two titles pale in comparison to his status as a busy Boston bachelor. Woman after woman, he is cheered on by all his Cheers regulars and staff except for Diane, who is, against her own will, in love with him. In this episode, Diane believes that Sam only dates big-breasted airheads, so Sam tries to prove he can date intelligent women by asking his ex-wife to pretend they went to a play. A clip:

Sam’s ex-wife:


You might think that turquoise and pink dip-dye ombré effects and flutter-sleeve dresses would not exist today in any form you’d want to wear. But you might be wrong:


1. Toms Ombré Wool Cordones in Rose Powder. 2. Acne Biddi Long Dip Dye Dress. 3. Ombré Gina Shift Dress. 4. Calypso St. Barth Ombré Scarf. 5. Label Lab Dip Dye Short Sleeve Swing Dress. 6. Cutler and Gross Round-frame Ombré Acetate Sunglasses. 7. Warehouse Ombré Western Silk Blouse. 8. Jonathan Aston Lilac and Pink Ombré Tights. 9. Woolrich Cedar Run Wool Tote in Blue Ombré. 10. Purls Hand Woven Yarn Necklace in Pastel Blue.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Season 1: Diane’s Sweaters

Carla vs. Diane, the priss vs. the tomboy, the beanpole blonde vs. the pocket-size brunette. If I had to choose one of their wardrobes, I would not hesitate to choose Carla’s. But Diane is adorable in her own way. Like a toy poodle. Or a baby giraffe. Here is her collection of sweaters (and sweater vests, blah) from Season 1:


And a few updated versions (some with mock sweater-vests, to boot!):


1. Kelly Wearstler Selva Slashed Cashmere Sweater. 2. Charlie & Robin Coral Isle Pullover. 3. Sparrow Subpixel Pullover. 4. Blue Fleck Yarn Knit Jumper with Contrast Point Collar. 5. Fine Cable Knit Sweater with Crew Neckline. 6. Michael Bastian Fairlise Shetland Sweater. 7. Boutique by Jaeger Spacedye Waffle Knit in Cotton.

And last but not least, the Gudrun & Gudrun Faroe Jumper from Plumo, another gem I was introduced to by Anne Sage of The City Sage.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

S1E9: Carla, Oxblood and…Piglet?

I keep saying that each new Carla outfit is my favorite, but this one’s modern alternatives are so darling, I can’t help it. It’s my favorite.


If the color of these sweaters is known as oxblood, then the color of the blouses must be…piglet. And yes, that is a leather t-shirt.


1. Topshop Textured Knit Sweater. 2. ASOS Leather T-Shirt. 3. Forever 21 Pointed Collar Chiffon Shirt in Peach/Hot Pink. 4. Acne Patti Tape Pink.

As a longtime vegan and sister to Ruby Roth, author and illustrator of “That’s Why We Don’t Eat Animals,” there are a million things wrong with this post. First, I love the leather shirt. I’m sorry! It’s incredible. It’s not like I’m personally buying or selling it, nor did I invent the color name “oxblood,” nor did I refer to the pink color as pork chop (though I did used to watch reruns of Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop as a child), but rather “piglet.” But I digress. Don’t buy the shirt. Or do, I might get a commission. But really, don’t. Do it. Don’t do it…

(I do realize that there is much hypocrisy present here, seeing as I have, and probably will continue to, post leather shoes. There’s just something about it being on a shirt that makes it more…leathery. And I’ll leave it at that, as I’ve now probably lost any readers I had by mentioning the word “vegan.”)

Here’s to the ever-present issue of fashion’s moral compass!


Chloe, lapsed vegan, traitor to my love of cows, soon-to-be-recipient of my sister’s scorn

Tagged , , , , , ,

S1: Diane, the Pilgrim

Throughout Season 1, Diane Chambers insists on wearing an assortment of ridiculous high-collar puff-sleeve blouses that magnify her prudishness and pretension to Pilgrim-ish heights. Of course, toting a Carl Jung book around doesn’t help her cause, either.


Today, I show modern alternatives to Diane’s collection of pilgrim shirts.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I would actually wear one of these. (My people – the Jews, if that isn’t clear by now – didn’t exactly land on Plymouth Rock, plus, regardless of my immigrant heritage, my neck is too short for a high collar.) Nor am I necessarily suggesting that you wear one, either. Rather, this post is for the skeptical who still believe that the outfits on Cheers are unfashionable, outdated, or just plain ugly. Tell that to the globe’s leading fashion houses.

Fendi and Gucci and Dolce, oh my!


1. Fendi Long Sleeve Blouse. 2. Anna Sui Black/Lipstick Multicolor Silk Top. 3. Gucci Crepe De Chine Pussy Bow Blouse. 4. Roberto Cavalli Sheer Blouse. 5. Kenzo Puff Sleeve Blouse. 6. Labour of Love Pussy Bow Blouse. 7. Cacharel Vintage Mandarin Collar Blouse. 8. Emilio Pucci Rosewood and Orange Lurex Silk Top. 9. Miu Miu Silk Blouse with Pussy Bow. 10. M Missoni Perforated Blouse. 11. Hakaan Khaki Cut Out Silk Top. 12. Dolce & Gabbana Printed Blouse.

Here’s to the founders of our great country (and the Jews who balance their checkbooks)!



Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

S1E8 (follow-up 2): Carla, Fire Truck Red, & A Truce is Called

In Part III of Season 1, Episode 8, Sam forces Carla to spend an evening with Diane to see if they can make amends. Two things happen. 1) Carla gets Diane drunk and makes a fool of her (but eventually they see eye-to-eye and call a truce…for the time being). 2) Carla wears another fantastic outfit.


According to Pantone, those pants would be considered “Fire Truck Red,” or in Carla’s case, the color of rage. Thanks to Band of Outsiders, Current/Elliott, Keds, Madewell, A.L.C., and Carven, there are plenty of reds raging in today’s newest lines:


1. Boy by Band of Outsiders Easy Shirt.  2. Keds x Madewell Sungarden Sneakers.  3. Current/Elliott Skinny Trouser.  4. Eileen Fisher ‘Step’ Oxford.  5. A.L.C. Relaxed Trousers. Far right: preview of Carven’s Summer ’13 line.

Here’s to making peace with your enemies (especially if that enemy is the color red)!



Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

S1E8 (follow-up): The Fight

A follow-up to the last post: It’s no secret that there was no love lost between Carla Tortelli and Diane Chambers. Name-calling, verbal spats, and practical jokes were a common occurrence between the two close-knit enemies. But on the day that Carla wore that perfect geometric tee, things got physical.

It started innocently enough:

Carla: Listen, Pencil-Neck, you’re startin’ to get on my nerves.
Diane: Please don’t call me Pencil-Neck. I am not a pencil-neck.
Carla: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you Pencil-Neck, Gozzle-Head.
Diane: Name-calling. The last refuge of the mono-syllabic.
Carla: I don’t know what that means but I heard “slob” in there.

But later on, more insults were exchanged and tensions heightened:

Carla: You wanna be my friend? Let your hair down!
Diane: How about I take your hair and scour the sink with it?
Carla: Is that a brillo shot?
Diane: Only if it offends you.
Carla: You sound like a lady who is getting tired of her teeth!
Diane: I’m tired of your teeth and all the vermicelli in between!

And thus…


At no more than five feet tall, the little spitfire, the beloved namesake of this blog, Carla had to be restrained. Gotta love her!

Tagged , , ,

S1E8: Carla, Geometric Prints, Mary Meyer Clothing

On rare occasions we are privileged enough to catch a glimpse of Carla Tortelli’s shoes (always Nike, always color-coordinated with her outfit). But the rest of the time, our view is frustratingly obstructed. Either wearing an apron or standing behind the bar, Carla is relegated mostly to waist-up shots. So she makes sure to always wear a killer shirt. Case in point, this geometric gem:


The most consistent modern alternative is Brooklyn (via Northern California) designer Mary Meyer, whose line of equally killer geometric-print clothing I was introduced to at Mira Mira in San Francisco.


Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

S1E7: Carla, Striped Sweater


One of the many reasons I love Carla so much is that I relate to her misanthropic attitude toward’s life’s many frivolities. For example, that is exactly the face I would be making if I had to hold up a limbo stick at a toga party too.


1. Wool Blend Scoop Neckline Stripe Sweater.  2. Sonia by Sonia Rykiel Block Sweater with V Neck.  3. Minkpink Primary Education Crew Neck Stripe Tunic Jumper.  4. Marc Jacobs Stripe Sweater in Multi.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Valentine’s Day: Carla vs. Diane

It’s easy to imagine what Diane Chambers – the eternal optimist, the feminine lace-and-puff-sleeve-loving, purple-and-pink-wearing aspiring poetess, the highfalutin Shakespeare-reading romantic – might wear on Valentine’s day (if she could ever get her unrequited love Sam Malone to commit).


Diane tends towards the delicate, the pastel, the classic black and white – anything to draw Sam’s attention away from the common hussy at the bar and towards her more refined (read: stuffy), hard-to-get (read: frigid), subtle (read: prudish) ways.


1. Rachel Comey Loveless Atlat Top.  2. Dior Junior Vintage Round Sunglasses.  3. Equipment Femme Mina Black/Nude Heart Print Sleeveless Shirt.  4. Anya Hindmarch Joss Heart Studded Purse.  5. Moschino Vintage Heart Dress.  6. Robert Clergerie Jonas Loafer.  7. Vanrycke Heart Necklace.  8. Forever 21 Heart Print Scarf.  9. Asos Peplum Dress in Heart Print.

On the other hand, there’s Carla Tortelli – the eternal pessimist, the diehard Boston Red Sox fan, the aggressive and foul-mouthed single mother of four (or five or six…I know she ends up with eight but to which season each pregnancy belongs is a bit hazy), the Nike-wearing tomboy. What might she have worn on Valentine’s day if any of the three fathers of her raggamuffin brood showed up with flowers in hand?


Find Carla a Valentine’s Day-themed sneaker, sweatshirt, hair clip, diaper bag, or a heart-shaped ring that could leave a dent in a rude customer’s face, and she might just be willing to play along.


1. Vintage Needlepoint Hearts Vans (This is the real thing. Carla might actually have worn these on the show. Ebay will be your best bet to find ones like these).  2. Chinti and Parker Heart Sweater.  3. Moschino Round Frame Sunglasses.  4. Tobi Meeting Hearts Ring.  5. Cross My Heart Gold Plated Bobbi Pin.  6. Two-Sided Heart Tote.  7. Lauren Moffatt Love Pocket Top.

Here’s to Sam and Diane, Carla and…well, whoever can afford a dinner for two!



Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

S1E6: Carla, Dual Stripes

Season 1, Episode 6. Carla is wearing one of the most incredible shirts ever. Maybe that’s a bit hyperbolic but, it’s good. Real good:


Dual stripes! And if you notice her right shoulder in the top photo, you can see that the back of the shirt is the opposite–AMAZING. I don’t know anything about football, and am eternally grateful that I will be on an airplane during the Super Bowl and its ensuing hysteria (read: rioting) in San Francisco, but admittedly, she looks almost like a (very well-dressed) referee. So I say, reluctantly, Go 49ers?

I thought this look would be impossible to replicate. Thankfully, ASOS, Antipodium, and House of Holland see the merit in mixed stripe patterns:


1. ASOS Top with Spots and Stripes.  2. House of Holland V Stripe Oversized T-Shirt.  3. Antipodium Syntax T-Shirt in Patchwork Stripe.  4. Nasty Gal Straight Up Blouse.  5. Antipodium Syntax Striped Tee.  6. Marni Stripe Shopping Bag.  7. ASOS Shirt in Cutabout Stripe Print.  8. Theory ‘Caslyn’ Cotton Skort.  9. House of Holland Striped Denim Skirt.  10. Marni Stripe Silk Twill Top.

And yes, that’s a skort on the bottom left. Like most trends of the 80s and 90s, I am a proponent of bringing them back. Clearly.

Here’s to dual stripes. And the 49ers. I guess.



Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: